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(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2007|09:33 pm]

last friday  there was not enough time to visit all the patients as i planned to.  so decided to visit the hospital again today.  and i was so blessed to have a beloved brother to visit with me, & with him, i could join him in visiting someone else in another public-funded hospital.

i was quite saddened to find that one of the patients whom i intended to visit has passed away. last friday, he was already struggling, but as he was with his family, i didn't want to interrupt them. i thought he might have hung on, but....  i regretted not having that time with him!

one of the patients whom i visited today was told that he has about 3months more to live.  tomoro, he would be transferred to a nursing/hospice home. while i was massaging him, he said this to me, "you all dun need to bring anything when you visit, just your presence is enough". "you know, it is so important for us, that when one is dying, and has fears, loneliness clouding around him, what he needs most is just someone around to be with".  That really touched my heart.  And i have already made plans before he said that, to visit him regularly till the final moment of his life.  i'll just do my best.

there was this particular patient i didn't quite favour.  He has full of demands & requests - & with urgency.  he was persuading us to go over to his room while we were still with another patient.  But as i was sharing with him later, i felt bad & repented.  i realised his "greed" stemmed from a life filled with "lack" mentality.

there was one patient whom during the first visit, was shy & reserved and didn't really open up.  today, glad he was able to open-up and shared more.  he even allowed me to pray with him.  we even exchanged contacts.  and as we were walking out of the hospital,  i received just a simple message "Thank You" and it so touched me!  it's not something i expected from anyone of them.  to me, it's a bonus!

after that hospital, i went to Renci Hospital with my friends.  while visiting one of the patient, i was very moved to see so many aging patients bound lying in bed, month after months, suffering in their condition, without much family support.....  just realised there are so many needs... there's much more meaningful things to do than what i wanted for myself.  really no time and need to think about myself.  What can i offer to these precious lives??  

Henry, thanks for being such a great brother & friend to me!  You're such a gift & blessing from GOD to me! Thanks for your constant sharing, support & encouragement and the joy of doing things together!  Today's visit to Renci was really an eye-opener for me, thanks for taking me there with you!

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(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2007|08:33 pm]

it's been more than a month since i started to serve as volunteer with seriously/terminally ill patients in a hospital.  during the visits, we listen to them, massage them, and there's chance to share the Good News & pray with them.  every friday.  i look forward to every friday.  it's been so happening for me.  i really enjoy what i am doing and i am so grateful to the LORD for opening this ministry for me to serve HIM.

just before this ministry began, the LORD showed me an area in my life which i was struggling.  & how HE showed me was HE gave me a vision of the image Pastor Prince gave us of a tree with many leaves of problems, and the underlying root was fear & condemnation.  the LORD said to me, you still condemn yourself when I've forgiven you.  so after realising that, i repented & the LORD healed & set me free of that struggle.

with that testimony, this became such an important aspect i could share with some of the Christian patients - how they could look to the LORD in HIS finished work & to know their forgiveness they have in HIM, to forgive themselves & others.  & i am so glad to see how the LORD work in their lives!   there was one patient, who has backslided for more than 15 years.  when i saw him the first time, i could sense such burden in his life, so much guilt & how that affected his condition too.. before i prayed with him, i shared with him the Cross of JESUS, HIS infinite love... & after praying, i knew he was set free.  the following week, i found such radiance & joy on his face, & the doctor said his condition was improving, and he was joking & laughing with my fellow volunteers & he was even able to share with me his past.  & just last Friday, he even requested to pray for me & my fellow volunteers.  how glad it is to see a man transformed - knowing the riches of HIS love, grace & mercy!!  Hallelujah!!  there were 2 other Christian patients, who were struggling so much in their condition.  they couldn't even talk and in tubes.  but i know they could listen.  so before i laid hands to pray for them, i also share with them about the wondrous love of GOD, who is so forgiving, because of the finished work of HIS SON, our LORD JESUS!  tears flowed from their eyes.  i know they believed the gospel shared, & the LORD ministered to them.  i see them relieved & letting go.  and i also sensed that it was the last time i saw them.  true enough, the following week, found they have went home to be with our loving LORD JESUS forever! - freed from all the suffering they have, clothed with brand new incorruptible body!  Praise the LORD!!

It's so wonderful to share the Good News!  not only are those ministered restored, even myself receive spiritual recharge!  cos after ministry, i never felt tired, but instead, just so energised & full of life filled with such wondrous joy!!  Thank YOU LORD!! YOU alone deserve the glory!!

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(no subject) [Aug. 25th, 2007|10:14 pm]

recently a friend did something that hurt me.  she did it out of good intention. she did it even thinking it's for my good, and doing a favor for the LORD. at that point, she didn't know what she did. i came before the LORD & prayed and released forgiveness. normally, i dun tell the person who has hurt me. i have learnt  & it has been the norm whenever i'm offended  or hurt,  i just come before the LORD & let HIM minister & heal me. & HE does, of course.  perfectly. so much so, as if the whole  incident didn't happen and just move on as usual. i trust the LORD to lead the person with none of my involvement. However this time, the LORD wanted me to let her know how i feel.  doing such a thing was more of a struggle for me.

after sharing with her how i felt, and she explained her part,  i found out how misunderstood i was.
When the LORD forgives me of my past and restores me, HE sees what HE did & will never mention that portion of my life. But sometimes friends do. my friend did.  She did what the Holy Spirit will never do to me.
she did not deal in that situation as if i was a new creation.   she even asked me to reflect why she did it and what the LORD wants me to know. But for this incident, i just knew it's from her flesh, not from the LORD.  i know the LORD well enough for this. Cos, whenever the LORD deals with me or issues in my life that need changes, HE is always so gentle& kind,  even often humourously,  always at the right time, & when i see the light, the change that comes from HIS strength & grace will never leave a hurt or scar. the step that i need to take or the changes i need to make is never a burden and never with a sense of condemnation. i know the LORD well enough, as HE is consistent in HIS ways in my life, and even before i shared with her what i wanted to say, the LORD has confirmed with me that wasn't HIM.
so, this incident reminds me one thing : never to play GOD & do HIM a favor which we are not sure.  we should not deal with anyone based on what we know or used to know. 

So it's important to pray & seek the LORD, let HIM lead us in what to  say or do & at the right time.  Be more prayerful than to do/say. If we are not careful, we misrepresent GOD and cause unnecessary "trouble".

I really thank & praise GOD for the way HE comforts & reassures me everytime!   so blessed & comforted always in my beloved Shepherd!

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(no subject) [Jul. 16th, 2007|12:49 pm]

i had a sudden bloated stomach last week & then fever, & high fever... but recovered quite fast fm it too.  to me, that was more of lying symptoms..

it really aches my heart whenever i hear Christians calling GOD - hardly anything else but "GOD"!  
"GOD" is HIS Nature, HIS Being,
FATHER - is HIS relation with us who are HIS children & we should call HIM "DADDY", "PAPA" or 
any intimate address to a Father!  
Was upset to even listen to a sermon devoid of the Name of JESUS & how wonderful HE is, the glory of HIS Cross!  How can a believer not mention "Father/Daddy-GOD", "JESUS" in his/her conversation, let alone in a sermon preached! makes me question if that speaker, though an ordained minister, is born-again!

I'm so glad that Pastor Prince's new book "Destined to Reign" has been released.  
i've been waiting for this book & i pray this will really be a blessing to many believers!
can hardly put down this book since i started reading it!  really thank the LORD for this book!

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(no subject) [Jul. 2nd, 2007|09:29 pm]

it's 2nd day of baldness.  

dunno why, but i had some headache since yesterday.  wonder if it was related to sudden weight loss on my head?? :P

i still enjoy feeling my head.  and how glad i was my head dries up so fast after showering. though i planned to keep away all my comb and brushes, i forgot and i actually took out one, nearly ready to brush it on my head!   

breakfast @the coffeeshop downstairs was unusually unusual this morning. so many glances.  i wish i had the guts to stand in the middle and announce the reason for my new look.  few people i know did ask and i explained.  and a little kid even laughed, pointed at me & called me "botak".  i wasn't bothered.

@work also got unusual time.  to enter to my office, have to pass by the counters serving the public. i had so much glare whenever i step out to pass some documents to the counters that one of my colleague has to explain to the customers the reason for my "botak" look after i stepped away.  it was another colleague who told me about this and i felt quite bad to inconvenience my colleague :P

it's exactly 1month since Ian passed away and left us.  Really miss him!  still remember his smiles, laughter, voice.... even his little tantrums...memories of all the joy in our friendship! i wish i'm not so emotional.  i still have not recovered from the pain of losing him!

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i'm bald but not empty & really feel blessed still!! [Jul. 1st, 2007|09:59 pm]
it was an experience for me at the Hair For Hope event today.  even though i wasn't worried or nervous... except a bit for the fact it was done on stage &  facing the crowd... but i wasn't alone.  i thank GOD for friends with me.  
Met my friend, Li Shan who is doing this a second time! She is so brave!  also met some heros i've met elsewhere and they really look good and cool with their new outlook.  And i was really amazed by the courage of a young lady, she had really beautiful long hair.  Her change was more dramatic than mine.  at least i took a "short cut" before this.  i was worried that with long hair, it might be accidentally ripped off and painful in the process.  that's how ignorant i was. :P  the feeling of having a bald head is really not bad after all... it's so coooLing...   and light, too. actually i thought they will shave clean. Cos i told myself this, if they shave it completely clean, i will say to Daddy GOD - & i was waiting for this moment :
Dad, i finally can give you an off-day from counting the number of my hair!  haha!

hmmm... will i do it again after my hair grows again??? yes, think i will - but only
for this charity purpose.

i wondered if i could really accept myself after i'm bald.  Yes, i do.  i can still 
stand tall, walk in confidence, be who i am just the way i was still and i believe - 
even better - by HIS grace. i really thank the LORD for HIS love, and for the people 
HE placed in my life who loves and cares for me. i owe this to HIM & my loved ones. 
i know and feel loved, and i am just so blessed.  whether with hair or bald : )
Praise the LORD!!!  Thank YOU, LORD!!!

my friend has helped me to take some pictures :

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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2007|02:52 am]

though living on with courage & optimism
level-headed & steady in other aspects of life
yet still trying hard to let go
from an emotional trap so deep
even after these years
how could i forget you
when you made me so appreciate you
for the things you've done
the times you've been there for me
the joy & blessing you've been
thoughts & dreams 
of you & the beautiful times we shared lingers on
tell me how could i remove the pain 
of fond memories &
of missing & loving you
and to carry on without you

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(no subject) [Jun. 23rd, 2007|11:20 pm]

i'm so glad that  the training @CDC for HIV Support volunteers have finally begun today.  this involvement has always been in my heart.  it's a new ground for me too.  i also intentionally didn't sign up this volunteer work with any Christian group.Unlike other volunteer work that's tapping on what one is comfortable & able to do, for this work, have to equip with knowledge to serve. lots to read up and research.  like going through a course.  but i really enjoy that, & it's a form of commitment.  just hope that most of all, i will be ever sensitive to the LORD's leading when serving HIS precious people here.

One week more to go & i will be BALD!! Yoohoo!!  though i think i'm physically, emotionally & mentally prepared, really not too sure how i'd be then.  hope i won't break down & able to accept and love myself then & from then- LORD, help me!    hopefully with a lighter head, my heart is ever fuller for the LORD & HIS people. 

it's been about 3 weeks since Ian has gone to be with the LORD!  really miss my friend!  Ian was so passionate about life & to be a good testimony unto the LORD till his very final breath!  i wonder why the LORD took him home but i was reminded that it was also his choice to be back with the LORD.  though i wish i had more time with Ian, i know this hope is not lost cos we will still meet again.  wonder how soon this may be? 

most of the time with Ian since i knew him was spent at the hospital.  only a few occassions was spent out when he was discharged.  he'd share alot about his friends, so i know who his friends are even though i have not met them.  At his wake, i met many of them, couldn't remember their names but when they introduced themselves, i could recall what i heard from Ian. What amazes me was Ian has many friends whom he has known for decades or more & they shared how Ian has been great friend to them individually.  i wonder how he had the strength, energy, time...  But that's Ian!  He lived a good life - a purposeful & meaningful life - having touched the people around him.  

i thank GOD that till today, the cancer condition i had is now in remission for 3 years.  as much as i trust GOD in HIS healing & restoration of health for me, i also trust in HIS sovereign plan & will for my life.  i used to wish that i have long life so that i have more time to serve HIM. but now i constantly remind myself  more importantly is not how lengthy this earthly life is but my attitude towards living for HIM everyday, constantly, -  to live my BEST,  EACH & EVERY DAY for the LORD, to enjoy every moment in HIM on earth as if there is only one day left.

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(no subject) [Jun. 17th, 2007|09:58 pm]
i was at NCC's PK1 Children's Retreat Camp 2007 for the past 3days held at YWCA Fort Canning. As one of the teacher servers, it turned out as much as a retreat for myself. The theme was "More Than Conquerors". The camp was really great - so well organised and everything turned out so well! Praise the LORD! i really enjoyed the camp to the core! One of the things i enjoyed the most was the children's worship! It's awesome! i wish our Church will produce a worship CD from the kids! many times i just stopped to listen to them, and i was just so ministered - even to tears! the way they played at the games, many "thinking" games, were amazing! i think our Praise Kids are really champion-kids! my team of children never gave up whenever they failed to win in a game. their team-spirit and fighting spirit is amazing! they even cheered for the losing team!! For my team, when we were 9th in position among the 12-teams, the children fought to the 4th position on the last day! the teachers in my team and myself didn't give them any clues/answers to their challenges, they were so spontaneous, planned / discussed among themselves how they wanted to conquer the challenges and they did it so well!! i'm just so proud of them!! not only my team, but all other teams too. I was also touched by their little gestures of appreciation. The commitment and unity among the teachers is inspiring too! looking forward now to the PK2 camp at the end of the year!
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(no subject) [Jun. 2nd, 2007|10:00 pm]

In Memory

Jun. 2nd, 2007 | 10:58 pm

John 3:16 (New International Version)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Ian Lam

22 July 1971 - 2 June 2007

Luke 23:43 (New King James Version)
And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”
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